Ted written and directed by Seth MacFarlane (Universal Pictures, Media Rights Capital, Fuzzy Door Productions, R, 106 min)
Starring Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis and Seth MacFarlane.
Jokes are, by their very nature, funny. Seth MacFarlane, legendary creator of the Family Guy franchise is known for his crude, outlandish humor that pushes the boundary perhaps a little too far. Normally, I am one to go for crude and outlandish humor from time to time. But, cutting to the chase, Ted just didn’t do it for me.
There is really only one joke in Ted.
Ted is the story of a boy, John Bennett who is picked on by all the neighbor kids, from bully to bullied. John so desperately wants a friend for life that he wishes his teddy bear to life, one of the last magical acts known to this world. Once grown up, John (Mark Wahlberg) hangs with his Teddy bear (Seth MacFarlane) who endlessly smokes a bong and curses like a sailor. John is in a state of extended adolescence. John’s girlfriend, Lori (Mila Kunis), doesn’t approve of his dead end job, weed smoking abilities, or lack of responsibility, and blames Ted as the culprit. Ted moves out, gets a job, and a stereotypical reconciliation takes place.
While this could be an interesting joke, the only thing that really holds the movie together is that Ted is the one smoking the bong and cursing constantly. If Mark Wahlberg or Mila Kunis were to attempt the humor, the entire movie would never have gotten off the ground.
A few plot twists try to keep the movie afloat. Mila Kunis is being romantically pursued by her boss (Joel McHale), and Ted is menaced by a creepy guy named Donny (Giovanni Ribisi) who desires to have Ted for his son. Ted gets kidnapped (no shocker) but finds a way home (again, not a surprise).
Yes, I laughed. I found parts that I enjoyed. But, frankly, if I could distill the parts I enjoyed into a different movie, it would be somewhere around five to ten minutes long. McFarlane could do better, as even though there are funny bits, it lacks genuine storytelling, wit, and any kind of visual awe. Apart from some Flash-Gordon cocaine-sniffing-riffs and a fairly intense motel fight scene you may just want to miss Ted.
Verdict: 2 out of 5